The Mom Competition–Are you in it?

It did not start with the recent Time Life Cover nor will end there. Mom’s are competing all the time. “My child is brighter, prettier, better athlete, talked earlier, read earlier, walked earlier.” These mom’s have children of all ages. It starts from the time the baby is born. “Junior slept through the night at 3 weeks old’. “Little Eustace is feeding her self at 6 months old.” “Abbie is 6 and can prepare her own breakfast".  “Buford, just got into Harvard'”.
It doesn’t seem to matte what the topic is, whenever moms get together competition happens. Even if you think you are not competing you are still counted as in the race.
I admit that when my girls were toddlers I was involved in some mom groups and I would compare my girls to the other babies all the time. I wanted to know how they measured up. Even when I wasn’t making such observations out loud I was making them in my head. “Oh my, little Alyssa is potty trained at 18 months, I better get started on Pi.” Never mind the fact that Pi was ahead on some other developmental milestones, I wanted her to surge ahead on everything.  I will admit it I am a little competitive. All right, more than a little, but not at everything. When Pi was a baby she surged ahead on all milestones, by 9 months old she was walking, and talking in 3 word sentences.  She was not even a toddler, I believe she skipped those years and just went from baby to being a little person. (She has always been more mature than her peers). The fact that I had a child who who milestones ahead of time (except for sleeping and eating) did not help me stay out of the Mom competition. I got sucked into it. 
But a great thing happens when you have more than one child, you learn that each child develops on its on schedule. They reach milestones at different times and they develop different talents.  I have witnessed that my kids have each developed their own

Why do Moms Compete?

• Fear and pride drive them at the same time, as well as a good dose of familial narcissism. We are proud of our kids so we brag, we are afraid someone else’s kids are better than ours, For goodness sake “Ryan was potty trained at 9 months”. We are filled with self doubt that we are not good enough moms if our kids do not do it all.
• Our culture sets up a troubling dynamic between women – mothers or not. Comparing ourselves to one another is a mainstay embedded in the fabric of our lives. Being a mother seems to cause insecurities to rise up  for women as they deal simultaneously with  joyous, daunting, rewarding, and vulnerable journey that is parenthood. Women are often taken aback by the sheer amount of time and  energy  being a parent requires, leaving little room for pre-motherhood activities.  (Dr. Zucker is from the authors of the new book, Good Enough is the New Perfect.)
• Parenting expert Wendy Mogel, author of “The Blessings of a Skinned Knee,” says part of what’s fueling the mom judge-a-thon is what psychologists call “displacement.” The world is a scary place, and we can’t control things like the economy free-falling. But we can control our choices as a parent – so we attach way too much significance to them.
• Being a mom is job that does not pay so we measure our accomplishments via our children's’ accomplishments. How our children are doing is a measure of who we are. When our children reach a milestone or do well we relish in that achievement and add that to our crown.

Decide Not to Compete
Make the decision not to compete with other mom. Take yourself out the game. Once I decided not to compete my life became easier. My kids did not have to be the best at anything/everything. I just wanted them to be happy. So when Peanut decided to quit gymnastics to pursue dance I was happy to assist her in that. I am all for kids trying lots of different things to find what makes them happy. My goal is to raise happy well adjusted kids, if my kids want to compete in something then it is up to them.
I am happy when my kids succeeded in what they choose to do, but I do not get my sense of well being from my kids and their successes. When my kids fail I help them to succeeded. we work together but it is not a reflection on me.
Compare not Compete
Comparison can be good however, it will alert you to the child that is running behind and may lead you to early testing that can help. Pumpkin had delayed speech, though our family doctor was not worried, after all he had two older sisters and was a boy and all of his motor skills were on target. We had some early testing for him and it turned out he was significantly delayed in speech.
I refuse to compete but have noticed other moms making the comparisons to me, I am different I am trying to be like most moms at our little school. I went to college, but stay home. We live simply but yet our kids are involved in lots of free activities. I go and do with my kids. So what do I do when moms make a mention of their kid, trying to get a bite out of me? I don’t bite back. I let other moms mention my kids, it is not that I don’t promote my kids, I am their biggest advocate when they need it. But rather I let my kids be who they are.
In the end when we compete as moms we devalue our children and their accomplishments and milestones become mere checkmarks and trophies for us. Do we really want all those trophies or to enjoy the experience. .

How about you have you ever competed as a Mom? Do you wish to opt out of the competition? It is never too late.

How I Fell into Attachment Parenting.

Recently Time Magazine featured some Attachment Parenting Bloggers in their Front page article on Attachment Parenting. Attachment parenting is a concept set forth by Dr. Bob Sears. It is not an all or nothing proposition. It often goes hand in hand with some of the Natural Parenting Concepts.  I found myself falling into both of these categories but they seemed to be a natural fit for me.
When you think of attachment parenting you do  tend to conjure up images of  breastfeeding toddlers, family beds and baby wearing? Attachment Parenting is so much more than what we see on the cover of Time Magazine.  I stumbled on Dr. Sears while I was pregnant, and to our family it felt right. As the first ones in our our families to have children we had not seen anyone else parent in a while either. I had never heard of Attachment Parenting before I read The Baby Book by Dr. Sears while pregnant with Pi.   I loved that it was written by a mom and a nurse and a pediatrician. I valued their insight and qualifications.  Before reading The Baby Book I had heard of some of the concepts common to Attachment Parenting,  “the family bed” ,  “baby wearing”  and certainly breastfeeding. I made plans to breastfeed for a year because that was the recommended amount of time 14 years ago.  I did not commit to attachment parenting. I sort of fell into it.  It felt right. The family bed was not a conscious decision,  Her actual bedroom was on a whole different floor from our our room and that seemed too far away at night time for such a little person. We roomed in with Pi at first, with her in the basinet. Pi did not gain weight well,  nor was she an efficient nurser. She seemed to nurse better at night, so we had frequent night feedings, Having had a c-section it was easier to bring her bed with me and nurse. It was not so easy lifting her back up into the bassinet. (I had had five weeks of bed rest before I had PI). Enter the Family Bed.
When Pi was a baby people asked me how long was going to breastfed her. I was planning on a year. After all you bottle feed a child for a year. Makes sense, right? Pi was not an easy child to nurse, she needed frequent nursings, my nipples were inverted and she would take her time nursing. I started attending some La Leche League meetings to meet some other moms. Fourteen years later, I am still in touch with some of those same moms today. Pi and I took our nursing relationship day by day first 6 months came and went, then 9 months, then a year. All of the sudden I was nursing a 1 year old. She was still nursing about 4 times a day at this age, and not really a big eater. She did not start solids till about 8 months old. Enter Extended Breast Feeding.
Pi was a bit of a “high needs baby”. She did not like to be put down, and preferred to be carried, not in a stroller or in a baby carrier either. Grocery shopping was near impossible for her. She had to be carried at some point in order to be happy. We already had a Kelty Baby Back Pack, a gift from my mother. She had used one with my brothers when I was a kid. Pi, however was too small for a backpack at 3 weeks old, so my husband decided we needed a sling. Enter Baby Wearing.
Quite often we we think of Attachment Parenting, the images above are what come to mind. However when one reads the API (Attachment Parenting International) website we learn that these are not tenants of attachment parenting.

Our Teens Need Us

I am pretty sure that most of the people who read my blog are good parents. That is unless you are spending too much time on Pinterest and Facebook. Every kid needs someone, if mom or dad does not take an interest in their lives they still need someone to be their cheerleader, an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on.
Kids of all ages need someone. Working at a school I see how easy it is for people to love all the little ones but by the time some kids get to high school the still need someone who believes in them, who will listen to help and someone who will help them and stand up for them. All kids need help

• the smart one whose parents wanted an athlete
• the cheerleader whose parents are getting a divorce
• the quiet kid who doesn’t talk to anyone else
• the girl who just broke up with her boyfriend
• the kid who is failing math or just needs help in English
• the mean girl (yes she is probably hurting on the inside)
• the class clown
• the tough guy/girl

When I my kids were little I was an attentive parent who nursed on cue and carried my babies in a sling. I engaged them in many ways, playing with them/ I listen to them, talk to them and try to build them up. But so many kids do not get that at home. Their parents may be busy with work, some of them working more than 45 minutes away. As teens they are often left to their own devices, to entertain themselves, and live with their own self doubts.
Many of us are quite attentive to the needs of our children when they are small but what about the older child? How do we handle them? We hold our babies close, we carry them and nurture them. Our teens need the same, even if they are not actually of our blood. Many of us encounter teens at church, homeschool groups and neighborhoods. So how we can help these teens even if they are not our own?

• You can still show teens affection, a small hug, a soft touch, a pat on the shoulder, sometimes that is all it takes.
• Listen, just be quiet and listen, some teens need to think out loud, just be sounding board without judging.
• Be available for them, if a teen wants your attention be there for them, be excited for them when they are excited. They need that Teens are still fragile.
• Support them, they are going through a difficult time. You think the toddler years were bad the teen years are even more tumultuous
• Pray for them, teens need your prayers. My mother always said that teens need and get an extra guardian angel, but they still need us.
• Take an interest in what they are doing, even if you don’t know a thing about golf or softball or opera, learn at least one thing about what it is they are doing, better yet ask them to tell you about it. They would love to tell you.
• Just be there for them, some teens are more quiet they just need someone to sit by them and be there for them.

How are you there for the teens in your Life?




this post is linked up to Simple Lives Thursday

How to Get Kids Outside to Play

This is another in the series about Kids and Play - You can read more here and here and here 
Kids desperately need play but they also need time to play outside. Studies have shown that kids who play outside have fewer behavioral problems. Organized sports are good but I am talking about REAL Play, where kids run around and create for themselves.

1. Encourage outdoor adventures: Reserve time for outdoor play where children can run, climb, find secret hiding places and dream up dramas. Natural materials – sticks, mud, water, rocks – are the raw materials of play..
   
2. Bring back the art of real work: Believe it or not, adult activity – cooking, raking, cleaning, washing the car – actually inspires children to play. Children like to help for short periods, then break off and play
   
3. Let kids help in the garden and yard, even if they do use Tonka trucks to move the weeds.
   
4. Go for a hike with your kids – we are blessed to have 5 acres to romp and explore on but frankly if I do go with them they always stay right around the house.  But if you don’t have woods or trails near by you just get them out in the neighborhood for a walk
   
5. Buy some sidewalk chalk – I can’t tell you how much this $5 investment pays off every year. As soon as it is warm enough my kids are outside there drawing roads to drive on, Hop scotch courses and creating art work.  (if you are wondering I buy the biggest bucket of chalk I can get and dole out colors 3 at a time.)
   
6. Let kids get dirty, kids need to know that it is okay to get dirty when they are playing. Raise your hand if you had school clothes, and play clothes growing up. I know I did, and my kids do too. When kids know they can play outside and not worry about getting dirty they are more free to play.
   
7. Make your backyard child friendly, have a place that kids can play, remember kids like to dig, so you might want to have a sandbox for them to play in, or else they end up in your garden.
   
8. Take advantage of local natural areas, go to the lake, the state park or even the botanical garden. One of my kids favorite places to go and play are the gardens or our local Art Museums. Yes my kids play at Art Museums.
   
9. Take some of your inside activities outside, let kids paint outside or even just read. Remember they are OUTSIDE
   
10. Encourage all sorts of play outside. All outside play is equal, whether it is social play, team sports, creative play, or just running around like an airplane play, or having a contest to see who can jump the jump up the furthest from a park bench.  (yes, they did  in skirts on Mother’s Day) 

this post is linked up to Green and Natural Mamas, Seasonal Celebrations @ Natural Mothers Network

Technorati Tags: kids and playtime,kids need play,kids and outside play

5 More Ways to Get Kids to Play More

Click on these links for more on the importance of Play for Kids and Ways to Get Kids to Play More

1. Get Kids Outside in Nature -  When you get kids outside to play it does wonders for them, heart rates slow, attention spans lengthen. On this particular day at the lake we did not bring any “beach toys”, no problem my kids decided to take a break from swimming and begin building with piles of rocks.
2. Teach Your Kids to Play -  if your children are not used to having unstructured free playtime you may have to show them how to play, get them started then let them lead the play, before you know it they will be creating their own games.
3. Make Sure Kids Have Clothes that Allow Them to Play – kids really do like  to keep things simple. They like simple clothes and and often have their favorites. Make sure these are clothes that they can move it and they can get dirty, because kids will get dirty. My girls were able to take advantage of a mild evening this fall, one night after church even though they were wearing a dress and skirt because they had either built in shorts or were wearing bike shorts underneath. The wearing of bike shorts or leggings under a dress or skirt is something I highly encourage for young ladies of all ages.
4. Encourage the Use of Non Typical Toys – Kids love to play with things that are not toys, think boxes, and blankets and paper towel tubes. Give your kid some free reign to build things and you may be surprised at what they make. Don’t be afraid to let your kids play with non typical toys. This sweet boy above would play with the same “toys” each night as I was cooking dinner.  When he was a toddler he would help himself to a potato a wooden spoon and a metal bowl out of my cupboard and “cook” for himself.  
5. Make Play a Priority – If you want kids to play more you need to make it a priority, schedule time for it each day. I know we are all busy with work, school, home school, laundry, cooking dinner and shopping. However if you want play to be an important part of your child’s day then you need to make it a priority and set some time aside for it each day. For some families and seasons in life that may work best in the morning for my family play time is for after school. My children are at an extended day school. that means they are in class from 8-4pm. When they get home  they need time to play and just recharge their batteries, homework can wait.

If you give kids the time to play and the tools to play they will soon be teaching you how to play. It is important to remember that play has a purpose even though it is “fun”.
How do you get your kids to play more? Share Your Ideas here.


This post is linked up with Simple Lives Thursdays

Technorati Tags: kids and playtime,getting kids to play more

How to Get Kids More Playtime

this is a follow up to the post Kids Need Play Time

How Can We Help our Kids Get More Play Time?
Play time is not just for toddlers and preschoolers, kids of all ages benefit from free unstructured play time, so how can we help our kids get more playtime?

1. Limit the Toys Your Kids Have – There is something to be said for having a few choice toys.  When it comes to toys Less is More.  If a child has too many toys, they may not know where to start when you tell them to go play.  The benefits of having fewer toys are numerous, but in general fewer toys lead to more creativity, longer attention spans, and a greater resourcefulness. (as exhibited by the impromptu game of acorn golf shown here)
2. Schedule less structured activities- While we all want our little ones to experience as much as they can art, dance, baseball, swimming, scouts, there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. Around here we like to limit the kids to one activity at a time per kid, even still that is a lot of time spent on the road going to and fro, Just this past fall we were able to whittle down our activities to just one night a week. Yes that does make for a crazy night were we often don’t get home to dinner till 8pm but that frees up the rest of week for us. The benefit of all this free time is that my kids  have more time to create and invent and just play. The result of the free time, my daughters have learned how to crochet, make bows and cook new dishes, while son is out building emergency shelters in the woods.
3. Have open ended toys – I have always been a fan of Real Toys, real toys are those great toys like blocks, baby dolls, bikes, dress up clothes, recyclables and art supplies, for a more complete list see Real Toys for Real Kids, yes this list is rather long but the best part about open ended toys is that you don’t need all of them at once.
4. Limit Screen Time   This one is a given, doctors recommend limiting children to no more than 1-2 hours of screen time a day. Screen time includes, time watching television, playing video games and being on the computer. Yes I realize that some kids are playing educational games, watching educational television shows/videos, but play has it’s own benefits too.
5. Schedule less structured activities- While we all want our little ones to experience as much as they can art, dance, baseball, swimming, scouts, there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. Around here we like to limit the kids to one activity at a time per kid, even still that is a lot of time spent on the road going to and fro, Just this past fall we were able to whittle down our activities to just one night a week. Yes that does make for a crazy night were we often don’t get home to dinner till 8pm but that frees up the rest of week for us. The benefit of all this free time is that my kids  have more time to create and invent and just play. The result of the free time, my daughters have learned how to crochet, make bows and cook new dishes, while son is out building emergency shelters in the woods

If you give kids the time to play and the tools to play they will soon be teaching you how to play. It is important to remember that play has a purpose even though it is “fun”.
How do you get your kids to play more? Share Your Ideas here.


This post is linked up to Living Life Intentionally

Technorati Tags: kids play,getting kids to play more

Kids need Playtime

I am a firm believer in Playtime for kids. Now what does that mean, you ask? Well I define Play Time as unstructured play with other kids or by themselves. Unstructured Play is defined as play that is open ended without a purpose, in other words Playtime is not going to a dance class or an art lesson, or a soccer practice.
When I was a kid my mother would send me outside to “Go Play” My brothers and I were not the only kids in the neighborhood sent out side to play. Often there would be a whole cadre of kids. We would play together, neighborhood games of baseball, or capture the flag, tag that went across yards and through the woods, putting on plays- just for ourselves.
Why is Free Play Important?
According to Peter Gray evolutionary psychologist at Boston College, says that  unstructured play helps children learn how to get along with others and control their emotions, and it also lets them develop their imagination.
Gray says  “free play is a marvelous biological solution to the big problem that human beings have, which is that we are both selfish and social. We depend on cooperating with other people, and yet we are also looking out for number one. Children are constantly negotiating that balance in their play.”
But since the 1950s, , there’s been a steady decline in the time American children spend playing on their own. A study by the University of Maryland’s  which found that from 1981 to 1997, American kids ages six to eight spent 25 percent less time engaged in free play, this while their time in the classroom was up by 18 percent. Their homework time increased by 145 percent, while time spent shopping with parents was up by 168 percent. When Hofferth updated her research in 2003, free time continued to decline, while study time increased another 32 percent. Kids are busier than ever today with less time to play, often what FREE TIME they do have they spend in front of TV.
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and yes that is my son in the dog crate playing, I don’t remember why he climbed in there but he was happy with that decision.
Tune in tomorrow to see how we can encourage our kids to have more playtime.

Technorati Tags: kids need play,kids and playtime

How to Raise Great Kids through Lazy Parenting

Welcome to the July Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parenting Philosophy
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have shared their parenting practices and how they fit in with their parenting purpose. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
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How to Raise Great Kids Through Lazy Parenting


What is a Lazy Parent?
Okay I admit it I am a Lazy Parent, well really more of a laissez parent, as in laissez-faire. How is that? Well when my first child was born, I had had an emergency c-section. I was not able to sit up for days without being in extreme pain. So instead of putting the baby upstairs in her crib while I slept downstairs I put her in the bassinette next to my bed. But that still was a hassle to sit up and pick up the baby, She was more than I could lift.  So I started putting her in bed with me.  Co-sleeping made it so much easier to nurse on demand. I was able to just roll over and my daughter nursed all she wanted.
As my daughter grew, I continued in my lazy ways. She was a high maintenance baby, and needed to be held all and she wanted me.y me. Daddy was not to her liking. My husband, good man that he is went to the baby store and found one of the original Dr. Sear’s Baby Slings.  Now I did not have to hold my daughter in my arms. I could put her in a sling and get some other things done, like housework.
We move ahead about 4 months, I go into my daughter’s well baby check up. The Doctor is pleased, she is growing well, and is healthy and happy. The doctor asks if I have introduced solids yet. I say no, we are still exclusively breastfeeding. I was too lazy to go out and buy baby food and spoon feed a baby.  The doctor’s response was “that’s fine, but you should start  some food around 6 months so she will learn how to eat with a spoon”  I did my best  not to break out into hoards of laughter. I waited until my daughter showed signs of wanting to eat and did not introduce solids on a time schedule. My daughter waited until about 9 months to begin eating food. She began eating real food straight from the table. She even learned how to use a spoon, fork and a knife, now at  13 she is a connoisseur of food and cook it.
As my children left babyhood and progressed to toddlerhood I did not rush to get them into preschool programs. I was too lazy to drive around town.  Instead, we went out and did things together. We went to the zoo as a family, playgrounds, even  family hikes with a toddler in a sling. Not enrolling my kids in fifteen different activities allowed me to spend more time with them.
As a lazy parent, I did not cook separate kid food for my kids. They were expected to eat what everyone else ate. No, I do not make kid food for the whole family. I make Real Food for the whole family. Sometimes my kids don’t like their food mixed up, that is fine, I let them pick what they want from the offerings.
I let my kids pack their own lunches too. I buy the food, nothing gets past me. I only ask that they have a protein, fruit and vegetable. My 7 year has been packing or helping to pack his own lunch since he was 3. Guess what he likes what he packs and eats 98% of it for lunch. I am willing to bet you if I packed his lunch I would pack too much food and we would have wasted food.
As a lazy parent I do not do things for my children that they are otherwise capable of doing, nor do I do things that do not enhance or make our lives better. I do not go out and buy the latest greatest of all things electronic. My kids do not have every  video gaming system, nor do they have televisions in their rooms. I don’t go out and by the “it” phone for my teenager. We did however allow her to spend her own money on a used Blackberry. Money she earned from working as a soccer referee.   I have however, empowered them to get jobs and provide themselves with these things.
As a lazy parent, I provide the basics for my children. nutritious food,  comfortable clothing, education, love, and support. There is an old saying ' “give a man a fish you feed them for a day, teach them to fish you feed them for a lifetime.” I am teaching my children to fish.  I want to raise, healthy, intelligent, self-reliant children, who will grow up to give back to society and make this world a better place to live.
I am still I am a lazy parent, but my kids have thrived because of it. They ate solids late. Which means the breastfeed longer. They did not sleep on a separate floor with a baby monitor. They slept in my room, allowing us all to get a better night’s sleep. They are left to their own devices to play and create things. If they have a problem I don’t immediately jump up and fix or solve the problem for them. I let my kids find their own solutions to whatever problems, large or small life may give them..
Being a lazy parent has been good for my kids. It has worked so far.  After looking at all that I have done, perhaps I am not so lazy after all. I have taught my children to do for themselves and sometimes that can be harder than doing the job myself.


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Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
(This list will be live and updated by afternoon July 12 with all the carnival links.)

• Between Love and Fear: On Raising our Children Sensibly — Mamma Earthly at Give an Earthly discusses the fear factor in parenting and how she overcame it, despite societal pressures.
• really, when do i get my cape? — Sarah at small bird on fire is a working city mama trying to learn how to set aside her expectations of perfection and embrace the reality of modern parenting.
• Baby, Infant, and Toddler Wearing — Child wearing is part of Sarah at Nourished and Nurtured's parenting philosophy. In this post, Sarah describes benefits of child-wearing and gives tips for wearing babies, infants, and toddlers (even while pregnant).
• First Year Reflections — As her daughter's first birthday approaches, Holly at First Year Reflections reflects on how she and her husband settled into attachment parenting after initially doing what they thought everyone else did.
• Making an allowance — Lauren at Hobo Mama welcomes a guest post from Sam about the unexpected lessons giving a four-year-old an allowance teaches the child — and the parent.
• How to be a Lazy Parent and Still Raise Great Kids — Lisa at Granola Catholic talks about how being a Lazy Parent has helped her to raise Great Kids.
• Philosophy in Practice — Laura at A Pug in the Kitchen shares how her heart shaped the parenting philosophy in her home.
• What is Attachment Parenting Anyway? — Gaby at Tmuffin describes the challenges of putting a label on her parenting philosophy.
• Of Parenting Styles — Jenny at Chronicles of a Nursing Mom talks about how she and her husband tailored various parenting styles to fit their own preferred parenting philosophy.
• Moment by Moment Parenting — Amy at Peace 4 Parents encourages those who care for children (including herself) to explore and appreciate parenting moment-by-moment with clarity, intention, trust, and action.
• Maintaining Spirituality in the Midst of Everyday Parenting, Marriage, and Life — Sarah at Nourished and Nurtured shares her perspective on finding opportunities for spiritual growth in every day life.
• Parenting Philosophy — Lily, aka Witch Mom's parenting philosophy is to raise child(ren) to be compassionate, loving, inquisitive, and questioning adults who can be trusted to make decisions for themselves in a way that avoids harming others.
• Long Term — Rosemary at Rosmarinus Officinalis thinks about who she would like to see her daughter become — and what she can do now to lay a strong foundation for those hopes.
• Connection, Communication, Compassion — She's come a long way, baby! After dropping her career in favour of motherhood, Patti at Jazzy Mama discovered that building solid relationships was going to be her only parenting priority.
• My Parenting Inspirations - Part 4 — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama looks at her biggest parenting inspiration and how that translates into her long-term parenting philosophy.
• A Parenting Philosophy in One Word: Respect — Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction summarizes her parenting and relationship philosophy in one word: respect.
• Knowledge and Instinct — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment believes that knowledge and instinct are super important … as are love, encouragement and respect. It's the ideal combo needed to raise happy and healthy children and in turn create meaningful relationships with them.
• THRIVE! — The Sparkle Mama wants to set a tone of confidence, abundance, and happiness in her home that will be the foundation for the rest of her daughter's life.
• On Children — "Your children are not your children," say Kahlil Gibran and Hannah at Wild Parenting.
• This One Life Together — Ariadne aka Mudpiemama shares her philosophy of parenting: living fully in the here and now and building the foundation for a happy and healthy life.
• Enjoying life and planning for a bright future — Olivia at Write About Birth shares her most important parenting dilemmas and pours out her heart about past trauma and how healing made her a better parent.
• My Parenting Philosophy: Unconditional and Natural Love — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama shares what she has learned about her parenting philosophy from a year of following her instincts as a mama.
• An open letter to my children — Isil at Smiling Like Sunshine writes an open letter to her children.
• My Starter Kit for Unconditional Parenting — Sylvia at MaMammalia discusses her wish to raise a good person and summarizes some of the nontraditional practices she's using with her toddler son in order to fulfill that wish.
• Responsiveness — Sheila at A Gift Universe has many philosophies and goals, but what it all boils down to is responsiveness: listening to what her son wants and providing what he needs.
• Tools for Creating Your Parenting Philosophy — Have you ever really thought about your parenting purpose? Knowing your long-term goals can help you parent with more intent in your daily interactions. Dionna at Code Name: Mama offers exercises and ideas to help you create your own parenting philosophy.
• Be a Daisy — Becky at Old New Legacy philosophizes about individuality and how she thinks it's important for her daughter's growth.
• What's a Mama to Do? — Amyables at Toddler in Tow hopes that her dedication to compassionate parenting will keep her children from becoming too self-critical as adults.
• grown-up anxieties. — Laura at Our Messy Messy Life explains her lone worry concerning her babies growing up.
• Why I Used Montessori Principles in My Parenting Philosophy — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now tells why she chose Montessori principles to help her now-adult children develop qualities she wanted to see in them as children and adults.
• Parenting Philosophies & Planning for the Future — Momma Jorje considers that the future is maybe just a fringe benefit of doing what feels right now.
• Not Just Getting Through — Rachael at The Variegated Life asks what truths she hopes to express even in the most commonplace interactions with her son.
• Parenting Philosophy? Eh... — Ana at Pandamoly shares the philosophy (or lack thereof) being employed to (hopefully) raise a respectful, loving, and responsible child.
• Parenting Philosophy: Being Present — Shannon at The Artful Mama discusses the changes her family has made to accommodate their parenting philosophy and to reflect their ideals as working parents.
• Who They Will Be — Amanda at Let's Take the Metro shares a short list of some qualities she hopes she is instilling in her children at this very moment.
• Short Term vs. Long Term — Sheryl at Little Snowflakes recounts how long term parenting goals often get lost in the details of everyday life with two kids.
• Parenting Philosophy: Practicing and Nurturing Peace — Terri at Child of the Nature Isle sets personal goals for developing greater peace.
• Yama Niyama & the Red Pajama Mama — Part 1: The Yamas — In part 1 of a set of posts by Zoie at TouchstoneZ, Zoie guest posts at Natural Parents Network about how the Yoga Sutras provide a framework for her parenting philosophy.
• Yama Niyama & the Red Pajama Mama — Part 2: The Niyamas — In part 2 of a set of posts by Zoie at TouchstoneZ, Zoie explores how the Niyamas (one of the eight limbs in traditional Yoga) help her maintain her parenting and life focus.
• Our Sample Parenting Plan — Chante at My Natural Motherhood Journey shares hopes of who her children will become and parenting strategies she employs to get them there.
• Philosophical Parenting: Letting Go — Jona at Life, Intertwined ponders the notion that there's no right answer when it comes to parenting.
• Unphilosophizing? — jessica at instead of institutions wonders about the usefulness of navel gazing.
• Parenting Sensitively — Amy at Anktangle uses her sensitivity to mother her child in ways that both nurture and affirm.
• how to nurture your relationships — Mrs Green at Little Green Blog believes that sometimes all kids need is a jolly good listening to …
• Philosophy Of An Unnatural Parent — Dr. Sarah at Good Enough Mum sees parenting as a process of guiding her children to develop the skills they'll need.
• Life with a Challenging Kid: Hidden Blessings — Wendy at High Needs Attachment shares the challenges and joys of raising a high needs child.
• Flying by the Seat of My Pants — Heather at Very Nearly Hippy has realized that she has no idea what she's doing.

Technorati Tags: carnival of natural parenting,co-sleeping,breastfeeding,starting solids,parenting philosphies

How to Travel Lightly with Kids

 

 

Is it possible to Travel Lightly with Kids?

Many people are light travelers, but how does that translate when you have kids? We all know that kids need more stuff, right?  My husband and I were both seasoned travelers when we met. I had gone to Europe with just ONE suitcase. for a summer.  My husband had endured shakedowns of backpacks at the Philmont Boy Scout camp.

In my family it was a badge of sorts to have the least amount of luggage leaving on a trip. I can remember one of my brothers packing clothes in his clothes so he could say he had the least luggage. How did we become minimalist travelers? My mother had a rule that we had to carry our own bags. Before the days of airlines restricting luggage we generally traveled with one carryon (such as a backpack) and one other bag, sometimes with a third bag packed inside to bring home the goodies.

I became such a ultra light traveler that on one family trip when my luggage failed to arrive I was able to survive in Mexico with my carry=on and some borrowed shorts from my brother. The only thing I had to purchase was a bathing suit.

Traveling Lightly with Kids

So how do you translate being a light traveler when you have kids? Is it possible to travel lightly with kids?  Let me share with you have I have been able to travel lightly for 13 years with my kids.

1. No matter how long the trip is pack for 3-5 days. You can always do laundry, a bathroom sink, works well.  
2. What I recommend for clothing to pack for everyone is as follows.  You can modify this based on your destination and the season you travel
3. Keep in mind is that you will probably not even wear this much clothing.
4. Layering while traveling key to comfort and making your clothes go far.
5. Pack clothes that coordinate, not outfits. Outfits take up room.
6. Think could I carry this all by myself?
7. No matter how long the trip is pack for 3-5 days.
8. Roll, Roll. Roll everything that can be rolled. By rolling you will be able to fit more in your bag than by simply folding
9. Pack an extra bag for souvenirs and dirty  clothes. For some reason dirty clothes coming home always take up more room, and who wants to contaminate the clean clothes.
10. Don’t be afraid to have kids pack and carry their own bags. Just be sure to give them a list. My kids have been packing for weekends away since they were 3 or 4.

Pack Just the Essentials 

• one bathing suit (you never know if there will be a pool where you are going)
• 2 pairs of shorts – one nice- one comfy t-shirt type (the second pair can be used as pj’s )
• one pair of long pants – a dark color these can be dressed up nicely (or if summer khaki)
• 2 plain colored t-shirts
• one button down shirt – like a basic white or denim oxford – in the summer a long sleeve polo can be substituted as a layering option or stand alone shirt
• one pair of jeans of appropriate weight (light weight for summer, heavier for winter) 
• one sweater – cardigans can double as a dressier jacket
• a blazer and tie for men. You never know if you will need a tie and jacket for dinner- Really it happened to my Dad on a family trip, the resort required tie and jacket for men for dinner.We had to go buy them for him
• a long dress for women – simple dress for girls
• a large scarf or sarong – may be used as a shawl or sling or dress or blanket. So many uses here.
• one pair of nice yet comfortable shoes
• one pair of shoes such as river walkers, keens or teva’s. No need to bring sneakers if you have these.
• five pairs of underwear –my family prefers a wicking type of bike short style as this can double for workouts or swim shorts
• bras –two for women – one sports long tank style(can be worn with shorts to work out or bike shorts to swim even do double duty as a tank top and one convertible)
• 2 = 5 pairs of socks (depending on season)
• toiletries. – bare minimum tooth brush, comb, brush, travel size of Castile Soap
• long lounge pants for all ages – or yoga pants – can be worn as pj' bottoms or after a swim
• a cham-wow – perfect for rolling up your wet clothes in. They will be dry in the morning.
• Sunglasses, hat,  sunblock
• medications
• dirty laundry bag
• rain jacket/umbrella
• sweatshirt or fleece jacket

You can adjust this list as the seasons change- but generally this is what I take no matter when/where I travel. If we have an event, like a wedding where we are going, we will often take a separate garment bag to pack the special clothes all together. Since we are able to fit the above clothing into a bag the size of a carry-on we have the room and luggage allotment to take an extra bag. We rarely use all of our allotted pieces of luggage when traveling by plane.

Techniques and Strategies for Traveling Lightly with Kids

picture credit - totsy

• As a mom who often travels alone with my kids, yes even babies I learned a few handy things. I started having my kiddos carry some of their own things as soon as they could. For us that meant as toddlers. They had child appropriate sized back packs, and would carry
• a water bottle
• a book to read
• a sweater/jacket
• a small lovey/stuffed animal
• a change of clothes in a zip lock bag

 

 

I would carry the same in a rolling pilot case but include for everyone. If you are traveling by car all you have to do is grab this bag for any overnight stays. No dragging everyone’s stuff in to to the hotel and packing it up each night.

• toiletries, a
• change of clothes for mom
• some snack foods
• a sling
• if traveling by plane some gifts (chocolate) for the flight attendants.

This is how we really travel, the small we packed in these bags for our recent trip over 4th of July.

What are you must haves when you Travel?

Do you travel lightly and pack nothing more than a toothbrush or do you pack everything but the Kitchen Sink?

 

If you would like more info on traveling lightly with kids please check out these great sites.

Unclutter.com  One Bag Travel

The Small Notebook -The Beauty of Packing Light

 

Technorati Tags: travel light,miminalmist traveling,traveling light with kids,travel with kids

Sending Kids to Overnight Camp

if you are wondering about sending kids to summer camp check out these other posts. 

How do you know if you kid is ready for an overnight camp?
This year my two oldest have gone off on their own away from the family home for the first time. Residential Camps and  Summer Travel can be a great way for kids to learn new skills and grow. If you have older children, you know what I mean.  You send a kid away for a week or a month and they come back a different kid.
I asked my Facebook Fans some time back and they had some great input.
This one from  Working to be Worthy
“having worked at summer day camps for more than ten years, I can at least tell you general characteristics that work and don't work.The kids who liked camp were self-confident, enjoyed structure,and at least somewhat extroverted. They thrived on the schedules, challenges, new activities, and team-building of summer camp.
The kids who hated camp were generally quiet. They disliked the constant NOISE, did not want to be told what to do and when to do it all day long, and wanted time alone, even if their friends were also at camp.
The kids who disliked our over-night trip often wanted to go to bed earlier than others, missed their parents, wanted more privacy, or disliked the change from their regular bedtime routine'”
a  Dear old friend shared her experience with sending her daughter to overnight summer camp. “Princess  started overnight camp at age 8 . It depends on the child but she was more than ready.”
Making the Decision to Send Kids to Overnight Summer Camp
My kids have gone to day camps since they were in first grade, some started earlier than that. But how do you make the decision to send your kid to overnight camp? It all depends on the kid. Some kids matter of fact will tell you they are ready.  Often times it is mom or dad who is not ready to send their little one off to overnight camp.  Here are some guidelines to consider before sending your young camper off to overnight camp

• Many camps won’t take a camper overnight under the age of 7
• Has your young camper had some other nights away from home? Sleep overs with friends or family. If so they might be ready for overnight camp.
• Is the camp something that your child is excited about? If it is a horseback riding camp and your child has never ridden a horse this might not be a good fit.
• Recognize that your child may have some homesickness, this is normal. Encourage them to stick with it.
• Make sure your child knows how to take care of themselves and their belongings, this includes basic hygiene, to basic first aid.
• Does your child make friend easily? Children who are outgoing and friendly tend to have a better experience at camp.
• Teach your child to speak up for what they want. Some children are shy, but they should be able to tell a counselor what they want or need
• Is your child self sufficient? Can they decide what to do on their own?
• Can your child follow directions? Camps are often about teaching new skills and the counselors are there to share their knowledge about these skills.
• Campers need to be willing to try new things, experiences and even new food. I know that my children have tried many new foods this summer.
• Kids have to be willing to get outside and get dirty. Many camps have kids outside at least part of the day. I know that my camper is looking forward to spending part of her days exploring the river eco-system.

If your kids seem ready for summer camp, but you are still not sure, you need to check and see if it is you who is not ready for summer camp.  Letting go as a parent is a hard thing to do but if we don’t we are holding our children back. If we hold our children back they will never grow to become the adults we want.

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The Importance of Letting Kids Finish What they Started.

Today my two youngest participated in a triathlon. They found out about it just a little over a week ago, but were super excited to go and Swim, Bike and Run. Peanut had run her first triathlon last summer, but this was a different course, and longer swimming than she had previously done by about three times.  My little pumpkin was eager to do his first triathlon at age 7.  Even though it was hot 90 plus degrees today, they were ready. 
Pumpkin had just finished two weeks of Swim lessons, he is not the strongest or most coordinated swimmer, and being a country kid he has not quite mastered his two wheel bike. But what is a good mom to do? Let him do the race even though he might not have the skills to compete? Because if I  never let him  try how will he succeed?
 It is important to let kids finish what they start. If he did not finish he would not feel as good about doing the triathlon. If he did not finish he might have learned that if things are not going his way he can quit.
In order for kids to finish sometimes they need to be encouraged despite their shortcoming or failures. It is okay to fail, as long as you get up and try again. Edison after having failed to make the light bulb work after 3,000 attempts did not stop, he just learned new ways of how not to succeed. Sometimes we have to let our children fail in order to succeed.
My son finished what he started to the cheers of everyone there. He did finish last but, boy to he finish strong. There were comments as to how fast he ran the course. (He did fly around it on foot)


Not only did my son finish, he ran water for his big sister and ran her into the finish line. Showing not only a good sport in finishing but a helpful spirit. 

Technorati Tags: Finishing Strong,Family,Faith

Why I Chose To Breastfeed My Babies

I think I knew before my first was born that was going to breastfeed. We had already gone to the Natural Family Planning Classes, and I fell in love with the Ecological Breastfeeding part.  I am a book junkie so naturally when I was pregnant I ordered the book. At the same time I ordered Breastfeeding and Natural Child Spacing. I also ordered
 The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding (La Leche League International Book). After being put on bed rest for pre-eclampsia I read both of them cover to cover. I did not know how long I was going to stay home with here but ,  I was determined to breastfeed for at least a year. It is a good thing I am a bit stubborn. Pi came out not willingly. I guess she is stubborn like her mom. I was pre-eclamptic so the doc induced me but Pi did not like the Pitocin. So after a c-section with a spinal she was born. Pre-eclamptic women have hard time establishing milk supply and Pi was not taking to nursing like a pro. So I pumped to get things going. She had some other problems like a newborn fever so off to the NICU she went till they figured out what was going on.  Flash forward  she came home 5 days after birth.  She was a sloow feeder. She would nurse every 2 hours for 40-45 minutes around the clock.   What that means is at 8am should would nurse till 8:45 and start over again at 10am. I basically did nothing for her first 3 weeks. She lost more than 1lb at birth so it took her three weeks to gain back her birth weight. Like I said, it was a good thing I am stubborn. I refused to give in and give her a bottle or supplement. I threw out the clock and nursed her every time I thought she might be interested. Lucky for me she was an alert baby and hardly slept, so it was easy to convince her to nurse. Pi continued to nurse round the clock every 2 hours for the first 12 months.  She was bribed to stop nursing at 3 1/2, with a bike (she has my permission to write this) lol mom.-pi

So why did I continue to nurse her even after a rocky start?

• Breast milk contributes to overall IQ. According to studies breastfed babies gain 5-9 IQ points depending on the length of time breastfed. I can prove it.   see here.
• Breast fed babies are less likely to develop diabetes. My family has a history of diabetes, so I wanted to give my kids a leg up on this one.
• Breast fed babies are less likely to be obese as adults,  perhaps because they learn to follow their hunger cues and can eat as much or as little as they want.
• Jesus was breastfed. If it was the best for him it is the best for mine too.
• Breastfeeding lowers mom’s risk of breast cancer ( and diabetes among other diseases
• Breastfeeding is economical ---read cheap.  Current figures show it can save you $1,000 to $2,300 a year. Even though they make all sorts of nifty things for breastfeeding you really don’t need 98% of it. The other 2 % you are endowed with.
• You can just pick up and go. I never needed a big diaper bag.  Just a couple of diapers some wipes and a water bottle for me
• Breastfeeding makes travel easier, especially to other countries. We took Pi to France for a family wedding at 3 months. All I had to pack was some diapers to hold us over till we got there.
• Breastfed babies get sick less often and when they do they recover more quickly – they have fewer ear infections, gastro-intestinal illnesses and flu
• Eczema is less common in breastfed babies, and allergies less severe
• Moms  lose weight quicker
• Babies who are breastfed develop better eye acuity, perhaps from changing sides more frequently.

And last but not least of the reason I choose to breast feed came from my great grandmother who was a midwife. Upon hearing that a woman was not going to breastfeed she would admonish her and say “What do you thing God gave you THOOSE  for? You know they are NOT for your husband to play with!”


If you are interested for more reasons to breast feed check out these resources
007 Breasts
Breastfeeding.com
Ask Dr. Sears
La Leche League
Couple to Couple League

Technorati Tags: natural parenting,catholic,breastfeeding,natural family planning